A dear friend has been
battling cancer for a decade or more. Through a grinding mix of
chemotherapy, radiation and all the other necessary indignities
of oncology, he has lived on, despite dire prognoses to the contrary.
My friend
was the sort of college professor students remember fondly: not
just inspiring in class but taking a genuine interest in them
— in their studies, their progress through life, their fears
and hopes. A wide circle of former students count themselves among
his lifelong friends; he and his wife have always welcomed a steady
stream of visitors to their home.
Though no one could ever prove it, I suspect that one of many
ingredients in his longevity has been this flow of people who
love him.
Research
on the link between relationships and physical health has established
that people with rich personal networks — who are married,
have close family and friends, are active in social and religious
groups — recover more quickly from disease and live longer.
But now the emerging field of social neuroscience, the study of
how people’s brains entrain as they interact, adds a missing
piece to that data.
The most significant finding was the discovery of “mirror
neurons,” a widely dispersed class of brain cells that operate
like neural WiFi. Mirror neurons track the emotional flow, movement
and even intentions of the person we are with, and replicate this
sensed state in our own brain by stirring in our brain the same
areas active in the other person.
Mirror neurons offer a neural mechanism that explains emotional
contagion, the tendency of one person to catch the feelings of
another, particularly if strongly expressed. This brain-to-brain
link may also account for feelings of rapport, which research
finds depend in part on extremely rapid synchronization of people’s
posture, vocal pacing and movements as they interact. In short,
these brain cells seem to allow the interpersonal orchestration
of shifts in physiology.
Such coordination of emotions, cardiovascular reactions or brain
states between two people has been studied in mothers with their
infants, marital partners arguing and even among people in meetings.
Reviewing decades of such data, Lisa M. Diamond and Lisa G. Aspinwall,
psychologists at the University of Utah, offer the infelicitous
term “a mutually regulating psychobiological unit”
to describe the merging of two discrete physiologies into a connected
circuit. To the degree that this occurs, Dr. Diamond and Dr. Aspinwall
argue, emotional closeness allows the biology of one person to
influence that of the other.
John T. Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social
Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, makes a parallel proposal:
the emotional status of our main relationships has a significant
impact on our overall pattern of cardiovascular and neuroendocrine
activity. This radically expands the scope of biology and neuroscience
from focusing on a single body or brain to looking at the interplay
between two at a time. In short, my hostility bumps up your blood
pressure, your nurturing love lowers mine. Potentially, we are
each other’s biological enemies or allies.
Even remotely suggesting health benefits from these interconnections
will, no doubt, raise hackles in medical circles. No one can claim
solid data showing a medically significant effect from the intermingling
of physiologies.
At the same time, there is now no doubt that this same connectivity
can offer a biologically grounded emotional solace. Physical suffering
aside, a healing presence can relieve emotional suffering. A case
in point is a functional magnetic resonance imaging study of women
awaiting an electric shock. When the women endured their apprehension
alone, activity in neural regions that incite stress hormones
and anxiety was heightened. As James A. Coan reported last year
in an article in Psychophysiology, when a stranger held the subject’s
hand as she waited, she found little relief. When her husband
held her hand, she not only felt calm, but her brain circuitry
quieted, revealing the biology of emotional rescue.
But as all too many people with severe chronic diseases know,
loved ones can disappear, leaving them to bear their difficulties
in lonely isolation. Social rejection activates the very zones
of the brain that generate, among other things, the sting of physical
pain. Matthew D. Lieberman and Naomi Eisenberg of U.C.L.A. (writing
in a chapter in “Social Neuroscience: People Thinking About
People,” M.I.T. Press, 2005) have proposed that the brain’s
pain centers may have taken on a hypersensitivity to social banishment
because exclusion was a death sentence in human prehistory. They
note that in many languages the words that describe a “broken
heart” from rejection borrow the lexicon of physical hurt.
So when the people who care about a patient fail to show up, it
may be a double blow: the pain of rejection and the deprivation
of the benefits of loving contact. Sheldon Cohen, a psychologist
at Carnegie-Mellon University who studies the effects of personal
connections on health, emphasizes that a hospital patient’s
family and friends help just by visiting, whether or not they
quite know what to say.
My friend has reached that point where doctors see nothing else
to try. On my last visit, he and his wife told me that he was
starting hospice care.
One challenge, he told me, will be channeling the river of people
who want to visit into the narrow range of hours in a week when
he still has the energy to engage them.
As he said this, I felt myself tearing up, and responded: “You
know, at least it’s better to have this problem. So many
people go through this all alone.”
He was silent for a moment, thoughtful. Then he answered softly,
“You’re right.”
Daniel Goleman is the author of “Social Intelligence:
The New Science of Human Relationships.”